I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
