Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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