You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
