Why is your signature on my underwear?
How's work?
Spinning.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
