WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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