rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
