I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
