after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize