after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
