a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
