Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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