Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
