i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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