i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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