I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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