$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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