Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
