I cockslap morals
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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