also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
