dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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