there's paper in my vomit.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
