Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
one might say we're banned from that church
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
