I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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