I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
