Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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