I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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