I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My bed smells like the plague
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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