Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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