after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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