please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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