go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
