I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
