yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
