I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
