Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
