Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
