She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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