This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
