So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
