woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
