Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I could fuck to npr.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
