I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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