ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
