as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
