I would go down on you faster than GM stock
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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