I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
