I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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