I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
