She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
