They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
