Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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