Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
