He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
