How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
