He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
only you would photoshop your dick
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
