Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
