I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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