I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
