When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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