I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize