So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
