It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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