there was a trapeze. enough said
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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