So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it's like iHOP with fire
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's never too late to be topless.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
