Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize