walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
