hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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