how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Found your dick twin last night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
