I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
