i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
