Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
