Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize