I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
