best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Less talking, more tequila
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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