I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
