You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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