I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
