I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
