please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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