So drunk, too bad you don't want this
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
