I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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