How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
