Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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