Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
