he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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