apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
