At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Vodka?
Forever.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
