who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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