dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
