Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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