I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
sex in a hospital.. check
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
