PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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