i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
