hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
