Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
