I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize