Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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