was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
