The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
that's an acceptable place to lick
only if we run a train.
done.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
