How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
