Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
